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Pop culture paints the cougar as predatory and pathetically desperate, but women have recently begun fighting the stereotype: real cougars, they argue, are confident, successful, single women over the age of 40, who — tired of unromantic and narrow-minded men their own age — date younger, more active and more adventurous men.

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Forget everything you think you know about cougars. In fact, forget the term all together. The generally accepted age group for cougars is plus; however, some people go as low as 35 in their definition.

With new creams and procedures available, many men and women are able to look much younger than they are. You might notice that an older woman has brittle-looking hair that lacks the shine and fullness of younger people.

Her hair might also be dyed to cover grey hairs. Some women might opt for pencilled or tattooed eyebrows, and eyelash extensions — so it still might be difficult to judge their age based on these factors alone.

Thinner lips and eroded tooth enamel: our lips wrinkle and thin with age, and our teeth wear down and erode.

Thin skin: as men and women get older, the smooth skin on their necks gain ridges and wrinkles — unless they use Botox or have a face-lifts, that is.

Thin skin will also be apparent on the hands, making veins, knuckles, and tendons more visible. Dry and saggy knees and elbows: with age the skin around our knees and elbows begins to dry and sag around the joints.

The skin around the elbows in particular can become darker and much drier than the surrounding skin. Evaluate her makeup.

For this reason, it makes sense that with age, a woman might amp up her makeup routine to try to hide the signs of aging that will make her less desirable.

You might notice an older woman wearing more foundation and structuring creams and shades to help give her face a smooth, contoured look.

She might also be more likely to wear lipliner to make her lips look fuller, a brow pencil to fill in her eyebrows, and blush to make her cheeks look more youthful and rosy.

Contouring is a popular makeup technique right now, used by women in all age groups, from their teens upward. The comical cougar stereotype is of a woman wearing clothes that are much too young, and often too tight, for her — usually in tacky fabrics such as animal print.

The reality is that women of any age can dress in a tasteless and unflattering manner. How a woman dresses — regardless of her age — depends largely upon her own personal sense of style.

While women of all ages wear push-up bras, older women may find them even more useful as their breasts will sag with age.

Pay attention to her self-confidence. In general, the older a woman gets, the better she knows herself and what she likes, and the more confident she becomes.

Some signs that she is confident: [6] X Research source Good posture : whether sitting or standing, a person with good self-confidence will likely have a straight back and a head that is well-balanced on the neck, with the chin pointed neither too high nor too low.

Relaxed: a person with good self-confidence will likely seem relaxed in most situations, perhaps looking around the room with an easy smile, or just seeming generally calm and at peace with herself.

Eye contact: confident people make eye contact and maintain it in social interactions. Part 2 of Know what you want, and be honest about it.

Women enjoy sex too; she might be fine with some no-strings-attached fun. Some questions to consider: Is it sexual — a checkmark on your bucket list?

Or, are you interested in something long-term, with someone who is more mature than your previous partners?

Perhaps you have someone specific in mind already, and are wondering how you can get her to notice you.

If you just want sex with an older woman, for example, your best bet might be dating sites geared specifically toward older women seeking younger men, and vice versa.

A "cougar" is typically defined as an older woman who is primarily attracted to younger men, often involving a sexual relationship.

Although there are no precise ages , the woman is usually 35 years or older with the man more than eight years her junior. Some people consider "cougar" to be a sexist, derogatory term , but the meaning varies from offensive to empowering depending on the person.

The term "cougar" is an example of how modern culture defines and prescribes roles for heterosexual women and men in society; other similar stereotypes include sugar daddy and sugar mama.

What these have in common—aside from an age difference—is an imbalance of power and wealth, with the wealth and power being held primarily by the older person.

Other related terms of "alpha cougar," "beta cougar," and "sweet" or "angry" cougars appear to be categories invented by dating websites.

Cougar relationships have appeared in pop culture over the years. Celebrity couples made up of older women and younger men include Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, who were 42 and 30, respectively, when they started dating in ; Sheryl Crowe 41 and Lance Armstrong 32 in ; Demi Moore 48 and Ashton Kutcher 27 in ; Rachel Hunter 37 and Jarret Stoll 24 in ; and Ivana Trump 59 and Rossano Rubicondi 36 in The earliest documented use for the term "cougar" as it pertains to a woman seeking such a relationship is said to have been in professional sports locker-room talk.

In the s, the Canadian ice hockey team the Vancouver Canucks used the term to refer to the older, single women who attended their hockey games to pursue players sexually.

The Canadian dating site cougardate. Columnist Valerie Gibson leveraged her investigations into cougardate. Since that time, there has been an increasing number of newspaper articles and blogs on the subject.

Such relationships have been seen in television programs such as "Sex and the City" — , "Cougar Town " — , "Lipstick Jungle" — , and "Riverdale" —ongoing , and movies such as "Prime" , "The Rebound" , "Adore" , and "The Boy Next Door" Seductive older women are also featured in pornography—"cougars" is a common subgenre in pornography websites.

Many more cougar-specific dating sites have been launched as well, such as dateacougar. The popular stereotype of a cougar is a heterosexual white or black unmarried woman between the ages of 35 and She maintains a youthful physical appearance, either by exercise, cosmetics, cosmetic surgery, or a combination of these.

She is comparatively wealthy, or at least financially independent, and she expresses her sexuality by publicly pursuing younger men for casual relationships or sexual encounters.

She does so, she says, because she wants a partner who both appreciates and can satisfy a sexually assertive and financially independent woman.

That stereotype also suggests that cougars are commonly looking for fun, temporary sexual liaisons. At the same time, they are perceived as women who strive to correspond to strict, ageist conceptions of female beauty, i.

Sociologist Milaine Alarie compiled statistics for her doctorate thesis on the subject of relationships defined by older women and younger men.

She found that overall, and just as in the past, women typically marry men who are slightly older than they are. In , the U. Census reported that women were older than their husbands by four years or more in only 7.

By contrast, men are older than their wives by four years or more in Canadian statistics are similar.

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To create this article, 44 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time. There are 10 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 1,, times. Learn more Pop culture paints the cougar as predatory and pathetically desperate, but women have recently begun fighting the stereotype: real cougars, they argue, are confident, successful, single women over the age of 40, who — tired of unromantic and narrow-minded men their own age — date younger, more active and more adventurous men.

Please help us continue to provide you with our trusted how-to guides and videos for free by whitelisting wikiHow on your ad blocker. Log in Facebook.

No account yet? Create an account. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. By using our site, you agree to our cookie policy.

Learn why people trust wikiHow. Explore this Article parts. Tips and Warnings. Related Articles. Part 1 of All rights reserved. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.

Forget everything you think you know about cougars. In fact, forget the term all together. The generally accepted age group for cougars is plus; however, some people go as low as 35 in their definition.

With new creams and procedures available, many men and women are able to look much younger than they are.

You might notice that an older woman has brittle-looking hair that lacks the shine and fullness of younger people.

Her hair might also be dyed to cover grey hairs. Some women might opt for pencilled or tattooed eyebrows, and eyelash extensions — so it still might be difficult to judge their age based on these factors alone.

Thinner lips and eroded tooth enamel: our lips wrinkle and thin with age, and our teeth wear down and erode. Thin skin: as men and women get older, the smooth skin on their necks gain ridges and wrinkles — unless they use Botox or have a face-lifts, that is.

Thin skin will also be apparent on the hands, making veins, knuckles, and tendons more visible. Dry and saggy knees and elbows: with age the skin around our knees and elbows begins to dry and sag around the joints.

The skin around the elbows in particular can become darker and much drier than the surrounding skin. Evaluate her makeup.

For this reason, it makes sense that with age, a woman might amp up her makeup routine to try to hide the signs of aging that will make her less desirable.

You might notice an older woman wearing more foundation and structuring creams and shades to help give her face a smooth, contoured look.

She might also be more likely to wear lipliner to make her lips look fuller, a brow pencil to fill in her eyebrows, and blush to make her cheeks look more youthful and rosy.

Contouring is a popular makeup technique right now, used by women in all age groups, from their teens upward.

The comical cougar stereotype is of a woman wearing clothes that are much too young, and often too tight, for her — usually in tacky fabrics such as animal print.

The reality is that women of any age can dress in a tasteless and unflattering manner. How a woman dresses — regardless of her age — depends largely upon her own personal sense of style.

While women of all ages wear push-up bras, older women may find them even more useful as their breasts will sag with age.

Pay attention to her self-confidence. In general, the older a woman gets, the better she knows herself and what she likes, and the more confident she becomes.

Some signs that she is confident: [6] X Research source Good posture : whether sitting or standing, a person with good self-confidence will likely have a straight back and a head that is well-balanced on the neck, with the chin pointed neither too high nor too low.

Relaxed: a person with good self-confidence will likely seem relaxed in most situations, perhaps looking around the room with an easy smile, or just seeming generally calm and at peace with herself.

Eye contact: confident people make eye contact and maintain it in social interactions. Part 2 of Know what you want, and be honest about it. Women enjoy sex too; she might be fine with some no-strings-attached fun.

She found that overall, and just as in the past, women typically marry men who are slightly older than they are. In , the U. Census reported that women were older than their husbands by four years or more in only 7.

By contrast, men are older than their wives by four years or more in Canadian statistics are similar. Thus, in both marriages and nonpermanent relationships, the trend is that men are typically older than their female counterparts.

Though women are sometimes younger than their partners—entering "cougar" territory—, it is more likely that they will be involved with a younger man in a nonpermanent relationship, rather than a marriage.

Alarie proposes that negative reactions to cougar relationships are so strong because they violate long-standing social norms.

For example, there is an assumption in Western culture that men value youth and beauty in a partner, while women value financial stability.

Men are also understood to have stronger sex drives than women and are expected to make the first contact, while women are encouraged to wait passively for men to choose them.

Finally, there's the idea that older women are expected to be asexual. Cougar behavior turns all of these norms on their heads.

In Alarie's qualitative study of 59 women who had participated in cougar relationships, results showed that women had different experiences of social norms depending on their age.

For example, older women were less likely to be affected by the social discourse about cougar relationships, were less preoccupied than younger women were about how long the relationship would last, and were less worried about whether they would miss out on having children or losing their partners as they continued to age.

The meaning of the term "cougar" seems to vary with the speaker. On the positive side, cougars are associated with gender equality, an outgrowth of the sexual revolution, and the availability of reliable contraceptives, which have given women more freedom when choosing a partner.

They are also an explicit reflection that sexuality is not necessarily connected with childbearing.

Moreover, an increase in status, education, and income means that a woman can establish herself as the more powerful party in a relationship should an unequal power dynamic be desired by both partners.

However, there is a considerable negative undertone prevalent in the media, particularly on internet sites such as askmen. Cougars are seen as predators of unwary men or victims of the cultural imperative to find value in their physical appearance.

There are many reasons why women might choose to enter into relationships that give them the "cougar" label. She may be less likely to have to eventually support her spouse physically or emotionally in their final years as his health declines, but would rather be cared for herself.

Women still do live longer than men, so it may be a rational choice to select a younger partner. Women also say that younger men appreciate their financial independence, their interest in sex, and their freedom from stereotypes.

But the drawbacks are severe: There is a social stigma, and men are often pressured by their friends and family to find someone younger.

In a cougar relationship, women are not likely to want more children when their partner does, and while many men say that their partner's higher income is a benefit, some research shows that can also lead to conflict.

Linda Lowen. Linda Lowen is an award-winning writer with more than two decades of experience speaking and writing about women's issues.

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